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” وہ بڈھا "

BUDHA

میں نہیں جانتی۔ میں تو مزے میں چلی جا رہی تھی۔ میرے ہاتھ میں کالے رنگ کا ایک پرس تھا، جس میں چاندی کے تار سے کچھ کڑھا ہوا تھا اور میں ہاتھ میں اسے گھما رہی تھی۔ کچھ دیر میں اچک کر فٹ پاتھ پر ہو گئی، کیو ں کہ مین روڈ پر سے ادھر آنے والی بسیں اڈے پر پہنچنے اور ٹائم کیپر کو ٹائم دینے کے لئے یہاں آ کر ایک دم راستہ کاٹتی تھیں۔ اس لئے اس موڑ پر آئے دن حادثے ہوتے رہتے تھے۔

بس تو خیر نہیں آئی لیکن اس پر بھی ایکسیڈنٹ ہو گیا۔ میرے دائیں طرف سامنے کے فٹ پاتھ کے ادھر مکان تھا اور میرے الٹے ہاتھ اسکول کی سیمنٹ سے بنی ہوئی دیوار، جس کے اس پار مشنری اسکول کے فادر لوگ ایسٹر کے سلسلے میں کچھ سجا سنوار رہے تھے۔ میں اپنے آپ سے بے خبر تھی، لیکن یکا یک نہ جانے مجھے کیوں ایسا محسوس ہونے لگا کہ میں ایک لڑکی ہوںجوان لڑکی۔ ایسا کیوں ہوتا ہے، یہ میں نہیں جانتی۔ مگر ایک بات کا مجھے پتہ ہے ہم لڑکیاں صرف آنکھوں سے نہیں دیکھتیں۔ جانے پرماتما نے ہمارا بدن کیسے بنایا ہے کہ اس کا ہر پور دیکھتا، محسوس کرتا، پھیلتا اور سمٹتا ہے۔ گدگدی کرنے والا ہاتھ لگتا بھی نہیں کہ پورا شریر ہنسنے مچلنے لگتا ہے۔ کوئی چوری چکے دیکھے بھی تو یوں لگتا ہے جیسے ہزاروں سوئیاں ایک ساتھ چبھنے لگیں، جن سے تکلیف ہوتی ہے اور مزہ بھی آتا ہے البتہ کوئی سامنے بے شرمی سے دیکھے تو دوسری بات ہے۔

اس دن کوئی میرے پیچھے آ رہا تھا۔ اسے میں نے دیکھا تو نہیں، لیکن ایک سنسناہٹ سی میرے جسم دوڑ گئی۔ جہاں میں چل رہی تھی، وہاں برابر میں ایک پرانی شیور لیٹ گاڑی آ کر رکی، جس میں ادھیڑ عمر کا بلکہ بوڑھا مرد بیٹھا تھا۔ وہ بہت معتبر صورت اور رعب داب والا آدمی تھا، جس کے چہرے پر عمر نے خوب لڈو کھیلی تھی۔ اس کی آنکھ تھوڑی دبی ہوئی تھی، جیسے کبھی اسے لقوہ ہوا ہو اور وٹامن سی اور بی کمپلیکس کے ٹیکے وغیرہ لگوانے، شیرکی چربی کی مالش کرنے یا کبوتر کا خون ملنے سے ٹھیک تو ہو گیا ہو، لیکن پورا نہیں۔ ایسے لوگوں پر مجھے بڑا ترس آتا ہے کیونکہ وہ آنکھ نہیں مارتے اور پھر بھی پکڑے جاتے ہیں۔ جب اس نے میری طرف دیکھا تو پہلے میں بھی اسے غلط سمجھ گئی، لیکن چونکہ میرے اپنے گھر میں چچا گووند اسی بیماری کے مریض ہیں، اس لئے میں اصل وجہ جان گئی۔ دیر تک میں اپنے آپ کو شرمندہ سی محسوس کرتی رہی۔ اس بڈھے کی داڑھی تھی جس میں روپے کے برابر ایک سپاٹ سی جگہ تھی۔ ضرور کسی زمانے میں وہاں اس کے کوئی بڑا سا پھوڑا نکلا ہو گا جو ٹھیک تو ہو گیا لیکن بالوں کو جڑ سے غائب کرگیا۔ اس کی داڑھی سر کے بالوں سے زیادہ سفید تھی۔ سر کے بال کھچڑی تھے۔ سفید زیادہ اور کالے کم، جیسے کسی نے ماش کی دال تھوڑی اور چاول زیادہ ڈال دئے ہوں۔ اس کا بدن بھاری تھا، جیسا کہ اس عمر میں سب کا ہو جاتا ہے۔ میرا بھی ہو جائے گاکیا میٹرن گوں کگی؟ لوگ کہتے ہیں تمہاری ماں موٹی ہے، تم بھی آگے چل کر موٹی ہو جاؤ گیعجیب بات ہے نا کہ کوئی عمر کے ساتھ آپ ہی آپ ماں ہو جائےیا باپ۔ بڈھے کے قد کا البتہ پتہ نہ چلا، کیوں کہ وہ موٹر میں ڈھیر تھا۔ کار رکتے ہی اس نے کہا "سنو۔”

میں رک گئی، اس کی بات سننے کے لئے تھوڑا جھک بھی گئی۔

"میں نے تمہیں دور سے دیکھا” وہ بولا۔

میں نے جواب دیا "جی۔”

"میں جو تم سے کہنے جا رہا ہوں اس پر خفا نہ ہونا۔

"کہئے میں نے سیدھی کھڑی ہو کر کہا۔

اس بڈھے نے پھر مجھے ایک نظر دیکھا، لیکن میرے جسم میں سنسناہٹ نہ دوڑی، کیوں کہ وہ بڈھا تھا۔ پھر اس کے چہرے سے بھی کوئی ایسی ویسی بات نہیں معلوم ہوتی تھی، ورنہ لوگ تو کہتے ہیں کہ بڈھے بڑے ٹھرکی ہوتے ہیں۔

"تم جا رہی تھیں۔” اس نے پھر بات شروع کی "اور تمہاری یہ ناگن، دایاں پاؤں اٹھنے پر بائیں طرف اور بایاں پاؤں اٹھنے پر دائیں طرف جھوم رہی تھی”

میں ایک دم کانشس ہو گئی۔ میں نے اپنی چوٹی کی طرف دیکھا جو اس وقت نہ جانے کیسے سامنے چلی آئی تھی۔ میں نے بغیر کسی ارادے کے سر کو جھٹکا دیا اور ناگن جیسے پھنکارتی ہوئی پھر پیچھے چلی گئی۔ بڈھا کہے جا رہا تھا "میں نے گاڑی آہستہ کر لی اور پیچھے سے تمہیں دیکھتا رہا” اور آخر وہ بڈھا ایک دم بولا”تم بہت خوبصورت لڑکی ہو۔”

میرے بدن میں جیسے کوئی تکلف پیدا ہو گیا اور میں کروٹ کروٹ بدن چرانے لگی۔ بڈھا منتر مگدھ مجھے دیکھ رہا تھا۔ میں نہیں جانتی تھی اس کی بات کا کیا جواب دوں؟ میں نے سنا ہے، باہر کے دیسوں میں کسی لڑکی کو کوئی ایسی بات کہہ دے تو وہ بہت خوش ہوتی ہے، شکریہ ادا کرتی ہے لیکن ہمارے یہاں کوئی رواج نہیں۔ الٹا ہمیں آگ لگ جاتی ہے۔ ہم کیسی بھی ہیں، کسی کو کیا حق پہنچتا ہے کہ ہمیں ایسی نظروں سے دیکھے؟ اور وہ بھی یوںسڑک کے کنارے، گاڑی روک کر۔ بدیسی لڑکیوں کا کیا ہے، وہ تو بڈھوں کو پسند کرتی ہیں۔ اٹھارہ بیس کی لڑکی ساٹھ ستر کے بوڑھے سے شادی کر لیتی ہے۔

میں نے سوچا، یہ بڈھا آخر چاہتا کیا ہے؟

"میں اس خوبصورتی کی بات نہیں کرتا۔ ” وہ بولا "جسے عام آدمی خوبصورتی کہتے ہیں مثلاً وہ گورے رنگ کو اچھا سمجھتے ہیں۔”

مجھے جھر جھری سی آئی۔ آپ دیکھ ہی رہے ہیں میرا رنگ کوئی اتنا گورا بھی نہیں سانولا بھی نہیں بسبیچ کا ہے۔ میں نے تو میں تو شرما گئی۔

"آپ؟ ” میں نے کہا اور پھر آگے پیچھے دیکھنے لگی کہ کوئی دیکھ تو نہیں رہا؟

بس دندناتی ہوئی آئی اور یوں پاس سے گزر گئی کہ اس کے اور کار کے درمیان بس انچ بھر کا فاصلہ رہ گیا لیکن وہ بڈھا دنیا کی ہر چیز سے بے خبر تھا۔ مرنا تو آخر ہر ایک کو ہے لیکن وہ اس وقت کی بے کار اور فضول موت سے بھی بے خبر تھا۔ جانے کن دنیاؤں میں کھویا ہوا تھا وہ؟

دو تین گھاٹیراما لوگ وہاں سے گزرے۔ وہ کسی نوکری پگار کے بارے میں جھگڑا کرتے جا رہے تھے۔ ان کا شور جو ایسٹر کی گھنٹیوں میں گم ہو گیا۔ دائیں طرف کے مکان کی بالکنی پر ایک دبلی سی عورت اپنے بالوں میں کنگھی کرتی ہوئی آئی اور ایک بڑا سا گچھا بالوں کا کنگھی میں سے نکال کر نیچے پھینکتی ہوئی واپس اندر چلی گئی۔ کسی نے خیال بھی نہ کیا کہ سڑک کے کنارے میرے اور اس بوڑھے کے درمیان کیا معاملہ چل رہا ہے۔ شاید اس لئے کہ لوگ اسے میرا کوئی بڑا سمجھتے تھے۔۔ بوڑھا کہتا رہا "تمہارا یہ سنولایا ہوا، کندنی رنگ، یہ گٹھا ہوا بدن ہمارے ملک میں ہر لڑکی کا ہونا چاہئے اور پھر یکا یک بولا "تمہاری شادی تو نہیں ہوئی؟”

"نہیں۔” میں نے جواب دیا۔

"کرنا بھی تو کسی گبرو جوان سے۔”

"جی”

اب خون میرے چہرے تک ابل ابل کر آنے لگا تھا۔ آپ سوچئے آنا چاہئے تھے یا نہیں؟

لیکن اس سے پہلے کہ میں اس بڈھے کو کچھ کہتی اس نے ایک نئی بات شروع کر دی۔

"تم جانتی ہو، آج کل یہاں چور آئے ہوئے ہیں؟”

"چور؟” میں نے کہا "کیسے چور۔”

"جو بچوں کو چرا کر لے جاتے ہیںانہیں بے ہوش کر کے ایک گٹھڑی میں ڈال لیتے ہیں۔ ایک وقت میں چار چار پانچ پانچ۔”

مجھے بڑی حیرانی ہوئی۔ میں نے کہا بھی تو صرف اتنا "تو؟ میرا مطلب ہے مجھےمیرا اس بات سے کیا تعلق ؟”

اس بڈھے نے کمر سے نیچے میری طرف دیکھا اور بولا "دیکھنا کہیں پولیس تمہیں پکڑ کر نہ لے جائے۔”

اور اس کے بعد اس بڈھے نے ہاتھ ہوا میں لہرایا اور گاڑی اسٹارٹ کر کے چلا گیا۔ میں بے حد حیران کھڑی تھیچورگٹھڑی، جس میں چار چار پانچ پانچ بچےجب ہی میں نے خود بھی اپنے نیچے کی طرف دیکھا اور اس کی بات سمجھ گئی۔ میں ایک دم جل اٹھیپاجی، کمینہ شرم نہ آئی اسے؟ میں اس کی پوتی نہیں تو بیٹی کی عمر کی تو ہوں ہی اور یہ مجھ سے ایسی باتیں کر گیا، جو لوگ بدیس میں بھی نہیں کرتے۔ اسے حق کیا تھا کہ ایک لڑکی کو سڑک کے کنارے کھڑی کر لے اور ایسی باتیں کرے ایک عزت والی لڑکی سے۔ ایسی باتیں کرنے کی اسے ہمت کیسے ہوئی؟ آخر کیا تھا مجھ میں؟ یہ سب اس نے مجھ سے ہی کیوں کہا؟ بے عزتی کے احساس سے میری آنکھوں میں آنسو امڈ آئےمیں کیا ایک اچھے گھر کی لڑکی دکھا ئی نہیں دیتی؟ میں نے لباس بھی ایسا نہیں پہنا جو بازاری قسم کا ہو قمیص البتہ فٹ تھی، جیسی عام لڑکیوں کی ہوتی ہے اور نیچے شلوار۔ کیوں یہ ایسا کیوں ہوا؟ ایسے کو تو پکڑ کر مارنا اور مار مار کر سور بنا دینا چاہئے۔ پولیس میں اس کی رپٹ کرنی چاہئے۔ آخر کوئی تک ہے؟ اس کی گاڑی کا نمبر؟ مگر جب تک گاڑی موڑ پر نظروں سے اوجھل ہو چکی تھی۔ میں بھی کتنی مورکھ ہوں جو نمبر بھی نہیں لیا۔ میرے ساتھ ایسا ہی ہوتا ہے، ہمیشہ ایسا ہی ہوتا ہے۔ وقت پر دماغ کبھی کام نہیں کرتا، بعد میں یاد آتا ہے تو خود ہی سے نفرت پیدا ہوتی ہے۔ میں نے سائیکالوجی کی کتاب میں پڑھا ہے، ایسی حرکت وہی لوگ کرتے ہیں جو دوسروں کی عزت بھی کرتے ہیں اور اپنی بھی۔ اسی لئے مجھے وقت پر نمبر لینا بھی یاد نہ آیا۔ میں رونکھی سی ہو گئی۔ سامنے سے پودار کالج کے کچھ لڑکے گاتے، سیٹیاں بجاتے ہوئے گزر گئے۔ انہوں نے تو ایک نظر بھی میری طرف نہ دیکھامگر یہ بڈھا؟!

میں دراصل دادر اون کے گولے خریدنے جا رہی تھی۔ میرا فرسٹ کزن بیگل سویڈن میں تھا، جہاں بہت سردی تھی اور وہ چاہتا تھا کہ میں کوئی آٹھ پلائی کی اون کا سویٹر بن کر اسے بھیج دوں۔ کزن ہونے کے ناطے وہ میرا بھائی تھا، لیکن تھا بدمعاش۔ اس نے لکھا "تمہارے ہاتھ کا بنا ہوا سویٹر بدن پر رہے گا تو سردی نہیں لگے گی!” میرے گھر میں اور کوئی بھی تو نہ تھا۔ بی اے پاس کر چکی تھی اور پاپا کہتے تھے "آگے پڑھائی سے کوئی فائدہ نہیں۔ ہاں اگر کسی لڑکی کو پروفیشن میں جانا ہو تو ٹھیک ہے لیکن اگر ہر ہندوستانی لڑکی کی شادی ہی اس کا پروفیشن ہے تو پھر آگے پڑھنے سے کیا فائدہ؟” اس لئے میں گھر میں ہی رہتی اور آلتو فالتو کام کرتی تھی، جیسے سویٹر بننا یا بھیا اور بھابھی بہت رومانٹک ہو جائیں اور سینما کا پرو گرام بنا لیں تو پیچھے ان کی بچی بندو کو سنبھالنا، اس کے گیلے کپڑوں، پوتڑوں کو دھونا سکھانا وغیرہ لیکن بڈھے سے اس مڈبھیڑ کے بعد میں جیسے ہل ہی نہ سکی۔ میرے پاؤں میں جیسے کسی نے سیسہ بھر دیا۔ پتہ نہیں آگے چل کر کیا ہو؟ اور بس میں گھر لوٹ آئی

اتنی جلدی گھر لوٹتے دیکھ کر ماں حیران رہ گئی۔ اس نے سمجھا کہ میں اون کے گولے خرید بھی لائی ہوں لیکن میں نے قریب قریب روتے ہوئے اسے ساری بات کہہ سنائی۔ اگر گول کر گئی تو وہ چار چار پانچ پانچ بچوں والی بات۔ کچھ ایسی باتیں بھی ہوتی ہیں جو بیٹی ماں سے بھی نہیں کہہ سکتی۔ ماں کو بڑا غصہ آیا اور وہ ہوا میں گالیاں دینے لگی۔ عورتوں کی گالیاں جن سے مردوں کا کچھ نہیں بگڑتا اور جو انہیں اور بھی مشتعل کرتی ہیں۔ آخر ماں نے ٹھنڈی سانس لی اور کہا "اب تجھے کیا بتاؤں بیٹا۔ یہ مرد سب ایسے ہوتے ہیںکیا جوان کیا بڈھے۔” "لیکن ماں” میں نے کہا "پاپا بھی تو ہیں۔”

ماں بولی "اب میرا منہ نہ کھلواؤ۔”

"کیا مطلب ؟”

"دیکھا نہیں تھا اس دن؟ کیسے راما لنگم کی بیٹی سے ہنس ہنس کر باتیں کر رہے تھے۔”

کچھ بھی ہو، ماں کے اس مرد کو گالیاں دینے سے ایک حد تک میرا دل ٹھنڈا ہو گیا تھا مگر بڈھے کی باتیں رہ رہ کر میرے کانوں میں گونج رہی تھیں اور میں سوچ رہی تھیکہیں مل جائے تو میں اور اس کے بعد میں اپنے بے بسی پر ہنسنے لگی۔ ذرا دیر بعد میں اٹھ کر اندر آ گئی۔ سامنے قدم آدم آئینہ تھا۔ میں رک گئی اور اپنے سراپے کو دیکھنے لگی۔ کولھوں سے نیچے نظر گئی تو پھر مجھے اس کی چار چار پانچ پانچ بچوں والی بات یاد آ گئی اور میرے گالوں کی لویں تک گرم ہونے لگیں۔ وہاں کوئی نہیں تھا۔ پھر میں کس سے شرما رہی تھی؟ ہو سکتا ہے بدن کا یہی حصہ جسے لڑکیاں پسند نہیں کرتیں مردوں کو اچھا لگتا ہو۔ جیسے لڑکے سیدھے اور ستواں بدن کا مذاق اڑاتے ہیں اور نہیں جانتے وہی ہم عورتوں کو اچھا لگتا ہے۔ اس کا یہ مطلب نہیں کہ مرد کو سوکھا سڑا ہونا چاہئے۔ نہیں ان کا بدن ہو تو اوپر سے پھیلا ہوا۔ مطلبچوڑے کاندھے، چکلی چھاتی اور مضبوط بازو۔ البتہ نیچے سے سیدھا اور ستواں ہی ہونا چاہئے۔

اتنے میں پاپا بیچ والے کمرے میں چلے آئے، جہاں میں کھڑی تھی۔ میرے خیالوں کا وہ تار ٹوٹ گیا۔ پاپا آج بڑے تھکے تھکے سے نظر آئے تھے، کوٹ جو وہ پہن کر دفتر گئے تھے، کاندھے پر پڑا ہوا تھا۔ ٹوپی کچھ پیچھے سرک گئی تھی۔ انہوں نے اندر آ کر ایسے ہی کہا، "بیٹا” اور پھر ٹوپی اٹھا کر اپنے گنجے سر کو کھجایا۔ ٹوپی پھر سر پر رکھنے کے بعد وہ باتھ روم کی طرف چلے گئے، جہاں انہوں نے قمیص اتاری۔ ان کا بنیان پسینے سے تر تھا۔ پہلے انہوں نے منہ پر پانی کے چھینٹے مارے، پھر اوپر طاق سے یوڈی کلون نکال کر بغلوں میں لگائی۔ ایک نیپکن سے منہ پونچھتے ہوئے لوٹ آئے اور جیسے بے فکر ہو کر خود کو صوفے میں گرا دیا۔ ماں نے پوچھا "سکنجبین لو گے؟” جواب میں انہوں نے کہا، "کیوں؟ وہسکی ختم ہو گئی؟ابھی پرسوں ہی تو لایا تھا، میکن کی بوتل۔”

جب میں بوتل اور گلاس لائی تو ماں اور پاپا آپس میں کچھ بات کر رہے تھے۔ میرے آتے ہی وہ خاموش ہو گئے۔ میں ڈر گئی۔ مجھے یوں لگا جیسے وہ اس بڈھے کی باتیں کر رہے ہیں لیکن نہیںوہ چچا گووند کے بارے میں کہہ رہے تھے۔ آخری بات سے مجھے یہی انداز ہوا چچا اندر سے کچھ اور ہیں، باہر سے کچھ اور۔

پھر کھانا وانا ہواجس میں رات ہو گئی۔ بیچ میں بے موسم کی برسات کا کوئی چھینٹا پڑ گیا تھا اور گھر کے سامنے لگے ہوئے اشوک پیڑ کے پتے، خاکی خاکی، لمبوترے پتے، زیادہ ہرے اور چمکیلے ہو گئے تھے۔ سڑک پر کمیٹی کی بتی سے نکلنے والی روشنی ان پر پڑتی تھی تو وہ چمک چمک جاتے تھے۔ ہوا مسلسل نہیں چل رہی تھی۔ ایسا معلوم ہوتا تھا کہ وہ ایک ایک جھونکا کر کے آ رہی ہے اور جب اشوک کے پتوں سے جھونکا آ کر ٹکراتا اور شاں شاں کی آواز پیدا ہوتی تو یوں لگتا جیسے ستار کا جھالا ہے۔ ہمارے نانکو نے بستر لگا دیا تھا۔ میری عادت تھی کہ ادھر بستر پر لیٹی، ادھر سو گئی، لیکن اس دن نیند تھی کہ آ ہی نہیں رہی تھی۔ شاید اس لئے کہ سڑک پر لگے بلب کی روشنی ٹھیک میرے سرہانے پر پڑ تی تھی اور جب میں دائیں کروٹ لیتی تو میری آنکھوں میں چبھنے لگتی تھی۔ میں نے آنکھیں موند کر دیکھا تو بجلی کا بلب ایک چھوٹا سا چاند بن گیا۔ جس میں ہالے سے باہر کرنیں پھوٹ رہی تھیں۔ میں نے اٹھ کر بیڈ کو تھوڑا سا سرکا لیا لیکن اس کے باوجود وہ کرنیں وہیں تھیں فرق صرف اتنا تھا کہ اب وہ خود میرے اپنے اندر سے پھوٹ رہی تھیں۔ آپ تو جانتے ہیں جیوتی شبد ہو جاتی ہے اور شبد جیوتی۔ وہ کرنیں بھی آواز میں بدل گئیںاسی بڈھے کی آواز میں!

"دھت!” میں نے کہا اور اسی کروٹ لیٹے لیٹے من میں گایتری کا پاٹ کرنے لگی لیکن وہی کرنیں چھوٹے چھوٹے، گول گول، گدرائے گدرائے بچوں کی شکل میں بدلنے لگیں۔ ان کے پیچھے ایک گبرو جوان کا چہرہ نظر آ رہا تھا، لیکن دھندلا دھندلا سا۔ وہ شاید ان بچوں کا باپ تھا۔”اس کی شکل اس بڈھے کی شکل سے ملتی تھینہیں توپھر اس نوجوان کی شکل صاف ہونے لگی۔ وہ ہنس رہا تھا۔ اس کی بتیسی کتنی سفید اور پکی تھی۔ اس نے فوج کی لیفٹیننٹ کی وردی پہن رکھی تھی۔ نہیںپولیس انسپکٹر کی نہیںسوٹ، ایوننگ سوٹ، جس میں وہ بے حد خوبصورت معلوم ہو رہا تھا۔ اپنی نیند واپس لانے کے لئے میں نے ٹیچر کا بتایا ہوا نسخہ استعمال کرنا شروع کیا۔ میں فرضی بھیڑیں گننے لگی۔ مگر بے کار تھا، سب کچھ بے کار تھا۔ پر ماتما جانے اس بڈھے نے کیا جادو جگایا تھا، یا میری اپنی ہی قسمت پھوٹ گئی تھی۔ اچھی بھلی جا رہی تھی، بیگل کے لئے اون کے گولے خریدنے۔ بیگل! دھتوہ میرا بھائی تھا۔ پھر گولے کے اون کے موٹے موٹے بنے ہوئے دھاگے پتلے ہوتے گئے اور مکڑی کے جال کی طرح میرے دماغ میں الجھ گئے۔ پھر جیسے سب صاف ہو گیا۔ اب سامنے ایک چٹیل میدان تھا، جس میں کوئی ولی اوتار بھیڑیں چرا رہا تھا۔ وہ بش شرٹ پہنے ہوئے تھا، تندرست، مضبوط اور خوبصورت۔ لاابالی پن میں اس نے شرٹ کے بٹن کھول رکھے تھے اور چھاتی کے بال صاف اور سامنے نظر آ رہے تھے، جن میں سر رکھ کر اپنے دکھڑے رونے میں مزہ آتا ہے۔ وہ بھیڑیں کیوں چرا رہا تھا؟ اب مجھے یاد ہے وہ بھیڑیں گنتی میں تہتر تھیںمیں سو گئی

مجھے کچھ ہو گیا۔ نہ صرف یہ کہ میں بار بار خود کو آئینے میں دیکھنے لگی بلکہ ڈرنے بھی لگی۔ بچے بری طرح میر ے پیچھے پڑے ہوئے تھے اور میں پکڑے جانے کے خوف میں کانپ رہی تھی۔ گھر میں میرے رشتے کی باتیں چل رہی تھیں۔ روز کوئی نہ کوئی دیکھنے کو چلا آتا تھا، لیکن مجھے ان میں سے کوئی بھی پسند نہ تھا۔ کوئی مرا مرگھلا تھا اور کوئی تندرست تھا بھی تو اس نے کنویکس شیشوں والی عینک لگا رکھی تھی۔ اس صاحب نے کیمسٹری میں ڈاکٹریٹ کی ہے۔ کی ہو گی۔ نہیں چاہئے کیمسٹری۔ ان میں سے کوئی بھی ایسا نہ تھا جو میری نظر میں جچ سکےوہ نظر جو اب میری نہ تھی، بلکہ اس بڈھے کی نظر ہو چکی تھی۔ میں نے دیکھا کہ اب سینما تماشے کو بھی جانے کو میرا دل نہیں چاہتا تھا، حالاں کہ شہر میں کئی نئی اور اچھی پکچریں لگی تھیں اور وہی ہیرو لوگ ان میں کام کرتے تھے جو کل تک میرے چہیتے تھے لیکن اب وہ یکایک مجھے سسی دکھائی دینے لگے۔ وہ ویسے ہی پیڑ کے پیچھے سے گھوم کر لڑکی کے پاس آتے تھے اور عجیب طرح کی زنانہ حرکتیں کرتے ہوئے اسے لبھانے کی کوشش کرتے تھے۔ بھلا مرد ایسے کہاں ہوتے ہیں؟ عورت کے پیچھے بھاگتے ہوئےہشت! وہ تو اسے موقع ہی نہیں دیتے کہ وہ ان کے لئے روئے، تڑپے۔ حد ہے نا، مرد ہی نہیں جانتے کہ مرد کیا ہے؟ ان میں سے ایک بھی تو میری کسوٹی پر پورا نہیں اتر تا تھاجو میری کسوٹی بھی نہ تھی۔

ان ہی دنوں میں نے اپنے آپ کو پریج کے میدان میں پایا جہاں ہند اور پاکستان کے بیچ ہاکی میچ ہو رہا تھا۔ پاکستان کے گیارہ کھلاڑیوں میں سے کم از کم چار پانچ ایسے تھے جو نظروں کو لوٹ لیتے تھے۔ ادھر ہند کی ٹیم میں بھی اتنی ہی تعداد میں خوابوں کے شہزادے موجود تھےچار پانچ، جن میں سے دو سکھ تھے۔ چار پانچ ہی کیوں؟ مجھے ہنسی آئیپاکستان کا سنٹر فارورڈ عبد الباقیکیا کھلاڑی تھا! اس کی ہاکی کیا تھی؟ چمبک پتھر تھی، جس کے ساتھ گیند چمٹی ہی رہتی تھی۔ یوں پاس دیتا تھا جیسے کوئی بات ہی نہیں۔ چلتا تو یوں جیسے مینز لینڈ میں جا رہا ہے۔ ہندوستانی سائیڈ کے گول پر پہنچ کر ایسا نشانہ بٹھاتا کہ گولی کی سب محنتیں بے کار اور گیند پوسٹ کے پار! گول!تماشائی شور مچاتے، بمبئی کے مسلمان نعرے لگاتے، بغلیں بجاتے۔ یہی نہیں اتری بھارت کے ہندوستانی بھی ان کے ساتھ شامل ہو جاتے۔ ہندوستانی ٹیم کا شنگارا سنگھ تھاکیا کارنر لیتا تھا! جب اس نے گول کیا تو اس سے بھی زیادہ شور ہوا۔ اب دونوں طرف کے کھلاڑی فاؤل کھیلنے لگے۔ وہ آزادانہ ایک دوسرے کے ٹخنے گھٹنے توڑنے لگےلیکن میچ چلتا رہا۔

پاکستانی ٹیم ہندوستانی پر بھاری تھی۔ ان میں سے کسی کے ساتھ لو لگانا میرے لئے ٹھیک بھی نہ تھا لیکنہر وہ چیز انسان کو بھڑکاتی ہے جسے کرنے سے منع کیا گیا ہو۔ ہندو لڑکی کسی مسلمان سے شادی کر لیتی ہے یا مسلمان لڑکی سکھ کے ساتھ بھاگ جاتی ہے تو کیسا شور مچتا ہے! کوئی نہیں پوچھتا اس لڑکی سے کہ اسے کیا تکلیف تھی۔ چاہے وہ لڑکی خود ہی بعد میں کہےکیا ہندو، کیا مسلمان اور کیا سکھ سب ایک ہی سے کمینے ہیں۔

ہندوستانی ٹیم میں ایک کھلاڑی اسٹینڈ بائی تھا جو سب سے زیادہ خوبصورت اور گبرو جوان تھا۔ اسے کھلا کیوں نہیں رہے تھے؟ کھیل کے بعد جب میں آٹو گراف لینے کے لئے کھلاڑیوں کے پا س گئی تو میں نے اپنی کاپی اس اسٹینڈ بائی کے سامنے بھی کر دی۔ وہ بہت حیران ہوا۔ وہ تو کھیلا ہی نہ تھا۔ میں نے اس سے کہا "تم کھیلو گے۔ ایک دن کھیلو گے۔ کوئی بیمار پڑ جائے گا، مرتم کھیلو گے۔ سب کو مات دو گے، ٹیم کے کیپٹن بنو گے!”

اسٹینڈ بائی کا تو جیسے دل ہی پگھل کر باہر آگیا۔ نم آنکھوں سے اس نے میری طرف دیکھا جیسے میں جو کچھ کہہ رہی ہوں وہ الہام ہے! اور شاید وہ الہام تھا بھی، کیوں کہ وہ سب کچھ میں تھوڑا ہی کہہ رہی تھی۔ میرے اندر کی کوئی چیز تھی جو مجھے وہ سب کچھ کہنے کو مجبور کر رہی تھی۔ پھر میں نے اسے چائے کی دعوت دی، جو اس نے قبول کر لی اور میں اسے ساتھ لے کر لارڈ پہنچ گئی۔ جب میں اس کے ساتھ چل رہی تھی تو ایک سنسناہٹ تھی جو میرے پورے بدن میں دوڑ دوڑ جاتی تھی۔ کیسے ڈر خوشی بن جاتا ہے اور خوشی ڈر۔ میں نے چندیری کی جو ساڑھی پہن رکھی تھی، بہت پتلی تھی۔ مجھے شرم آ رہی تھی اور شرم ہی شرم میں ایک مزہ بھی۔ کبھی کبھی مجھے یاد آتا تھا اور پھر بھول بھی جاتی تھی کہ لوگ مجھے دیکھ رہے ہیں۔ اس وقت دنیا میں کوئی نہیں تھا، میرے اور اس اسٹینڈ بائی کے سوا جس کا نام جے کشن تھا لیکن اسے سب پر نٹو کے نام سے پکارتے تھے۔ ہم دونوں لارڈ پہنچ گئے اور ایک سیٹ پر بیٹھ گئے۔ ایک دوسرے کی قربت سے ہم دونوں شرابی ہو گئے تھے۔ ہم ساتھ لگ کے بیٹھے تھے کہ الگ ہٹ گئے اور پھر ساتھ لگ کر بیٹھ گئے۔ بدنوں میں سے ایک بو لپک رہی تھیسوندھی سوندھی، جیسے تنور میں پڑی ہوئی روٹی سے اٹھتی ہے۔ میں چاہتی تھی کہ ہم دونوں کے درمیان کچھ ہو جائے۔ پیار، جیسے پیار کوئی آ لا کارت ڈش ہوتی ہے۔ چائے آئی جسے پیتے ہوئے میں نے دیکھا کہ وہ چور نظروں سے مجھے دیکھ رہا ہےمیرے بدن کے اسی حصے کو جہاں اس بڈھے کی نظریں ٹکی تھیں۔ وہ بڈھا تھا؟ ماں نے کہا تھامرد سب ایک سے ہی ہوتے ہیں، کیا جوان کیا بڈھے؟

ہو سکتا تھا ہماری بات آگے بڑھ جاتی، لیکن پرنٹو نے سارا قلعہ ڈھیر کر دیا۔ پہلے اس نے میرا ہاتھ اپنے ہاتھ میں لیا اور اسے دبا دیا۔ اس حرکت کو میں نے پیار کی اٹھکیلی سمجھا لیکن اس کے بعد وہ سب کی نظریں بچا کر بچا کر اپنا ہاتھ میرے شریر کے اس حصے پر دوڑانے لگا، جہاں عورت مرد سے جدا ہو نے لگتی ہے۔ میرے تن بدن میں آگ سی لپک آئی۔ میری آنکھوں سے چنگاریاں پھوٹنے لگیںنفرت کی، محبت کی۔ میرا چہرہ لال ہونے لگا۔ میں باتیں بھولنے لگی۔ میں نے اس کا ہاتھ جھٹکا تو اس نے مایوس ہو کر رات کو بیک بے میں چلنے کی دعوت دی، جسے فوراً مانتے ہوئے میں نے ایک طرح انکار کر دیا۔ وہ مجھے، عورت کو بالکل غلط سمجھ گیا تھا، جو ڈھرے پہ تو آتی ہے مگر سیدھے نہیں۔ اس کی تو گالی بھی بے حیا مرد کی طرح سیدھی نہیں ہوتی۔ اس کا سب کچھ گول مول، ٹیڑھا میڑھا ہوتا ہے۔ روشنی سے وہ گھبراتی ہے، اندھیرے سے اسے ڈر لگتا ہے۔ آخر اندھیرا رہتا ہے نہ ڈر، کیوں کہ وہ ان آنکھوں سے پرے، ان روشنیوں سے پرے ایک ایسی دنیا میں ہوتی ہے جو سانسوں کی دنیا، یوگ کی دنیا ہوتی ہے، جسے آنکھوں کے بیچ کی تیسری آنکھ ہی گھور سکتی ہے۔ گے لارڈ سے باہر نکلے تو میرے اور پرنٹو کے درمیان سوا تندرستی کے اور کوئی بات مشترک نہ رہی تھی۔ میرے کھسیائے ہونے سے وہ بھی کھسیا چکا تھا۔ میں نے سڑک پر جاتی ہوئی ایک ٹیکسی کو روکا۔ پرنٹونے بڑھ کر میرے لئے دروازہ کھولا اور میں لپک کر اندر بیٹھ گئی۔

"بیک بے۔” پرنٹو نے مجھے یاد دلایا۔

"میں نے طوطے کی طرح رٹ دیا "بیک بے”اور پھر ٹیکسی ڈرائیور کی طرف منہ موڑتے ہوئے بولی "ماہم۔”

"بیک بے نہیں؟” وہ بولا۔

"نہیں” میں نے کرخت سی آواز میں جواب دیا "ماہم۔” "آپ تو ابھی”

"چلو، جہاں میں کہتی ہوں۔”

ٹیکسی چلی تو پرنٹو نے میری طرف ہاتھ پھیلایا جو اتنا لمبا ہو گیا کہ محمد علی روڈ، بائیکلہ، پریل، دادر، ماہم، سیتلا دیوی، ٹیمپل روڈ تک میرا پیچھا کرتا رہا اور مجھے گدگداتا رہا۔ آخر میں گھر پہنچ گئی۔

اندر یادو بھیا ایک جھٹکے کے ساتھ بھابھی کے پاس سے اٹھےمیں سمجھ گئی، کیوں کہ ماں کا کڑا حکم تھا کہ میرے سامنے وہ اکٹھے نہ بیٹھا کریں”گھر میں جوان لڑکی ہے۔” میں نے لپک کر بندو کو جھولے میں سے اٹھایا اور اس سے کھیلنے لگی۔ بندو مجھے دیکھ کر مسکرائی۔ ایک پل کے لئے تو میں گھبرا گئیجیسے اسے سب کچھ معلوم تھا۔ کچھ لوگ کہتے ہیں کہ بچوں کو سب پتہ ہوتا ہے، صرف وہ کہتے نہیں۔

گھر میں گووند چاچا بھی تھے جو پاپا کے ساتھ اسٹڈی میں بیٹھے تھے اور ہمیشہ کی طرح سے ماں کی ناک میں دم کئے ہوئے تھے۔ عجیب تھا دیور بھابھی کا رشتہ۔ جب ملتے تھے ایک دوسرے کو آڑے ہاتھوں لیتے تھے۔ لڑنے، جھگڑنے، گالی گلوچ کے سوا کوئی بات ہی نہ ہوتی۔ پاپا ان کی لڑائی میں کبھی دخل نہ دیتے تھے۔ وہ جانتے تھے نا کہ ایک روز کی بات ہو تو کوئی بولے بکے بھی، لیکن روز روز کا یہ جھگڑا کون نمٹائے گا؟ اور ویسے بھی سب کچھ ٹھیک ہی تو تھا۔ کیوں کہ اس ساری لے دے کے باوجود ماں ذرا بھی بیمار ہوتی تو ہمیشہ گووند ہی کو یاد کرتی اور بھی تو دیور تھے ماں کے، جن سے اس کا "پائے لاگن” اور "جیتے رہو” "کے سوا کوئی رشتہ نہ تھا۔ وہ ماں کو تحفوں کی رشوت بھی دیتے تھے، لیکن کوئی فرق نہیں پڑتا تھا۔ دینا تو ایک طرف گووند چچا تو ماں کو الٹا ٹھگتے ہی رہتے تھے لیکن اس پر بھی وہ اسے سب سے زیادہ سمجھتی تھی اور وہ لے کر الٹا ماں کویہ احساس دلاتے تھے جیسے اس کی سو پشتوں پر احسان کر رہے ہیں۔ کئی بار ماں نے کہا "گووند اس لئے اچھا ہے کہ اس کے دل میں کچھ نہیں” اور پاپا ہمیشہ یہی کہتے تھے "دماغ میں بھی کچھ نہیں” اور ماں اس بات پر لڑنے مرنے پر تیار ہو جاتی اور جب وہ گووند چاچا سے اپنی دیورانی کے بارے میں پوچھتی۔ "تم اجتیا کو کیوں نہیں لائے؟”تو جواب یہی ملتا "کیا کروں لا کر؟ تم سے اس کی چوٹی کھنچوانا ہے؟ جلی کٹی سنوانا ہے؟ ماں جواب میں گالیاں دیتی، گالیاں کھاتی اور چاچا کے چلے جانے کے بعد دھاڑیں مار مار کر روتی اور پھر وہی کہاں ہے گووند؟ اسے بلاؤ۔ میرا تو اس گھر میں وہی ہے۔ اپنے پاپا کا کیا پوچھتی ہو؟ وہ تو ہیں بھولے مہیش، گوبر گنیش۔ ان کے تو کوئی بھی کپڑے اتروا لے” اور یہ میں نے ہر جگہ دیکھا ہے، ہر بیوی اپنے میاں کو بہت سیدھا، بہت بے وقوف سمجھتی ہے اور وہ چپ رہتا ہے۔ شاید اسی میں اس کا فائدہ ہے۔

اس دن گووند چاچا ڈائریکٹر جنرل شپنگ کے دفتر میں کام کرنے والے کسی مسٹر سولنکی کی بات کر رہے تھے اور اصرار کر رہے تھے "میری بات آپ کو ماننا پڑے گی۔”

"تم بخس میں ہو نا۔” ماں کہہ رہی تھی "اس میں بھی کوئی سوارتھ ہو گا تمہارا۔” اس پر گووند چچا جل بھن گئے۔ انہوں نے چلاتے ہوئے کہا "تم کیا سمجھتی ہو؟ کامنی تمہاری ہی بیٹی ہے، میری نہیں ہے۔” اب مجھے پتہ چلا کہ مسٹر سولنکی کے لڑکے کے ساتھ میرے رشتے کی بات چل رہی ہے اور اس کے بعد کسی کنڈم اسپنڈل کی طرح اور بھی دھاگے کھلنے لگے، جن کا مجھے آج تک پتہ نہ تھا۔ گووند چچا کے منہ میں جھاگ تھی اور وہ بک رہے تھے "توتو نے اجیتا کے ساتھ میری شادی کر دی۔ میں نے آج تک کبھی چوں چراں کی؟کہتی تھی، میرے مائکے کی ہے، دور کے رشتے سے میرے ماما کی لڑکی ہےیہ بڑی بڑی آنکھیں۔ اب ان آنکھوں کو کہاں رکھوں؟ بولوکہاں رکھوں؟ زندگی کیا آنکھوں سے بتاتے ہیں؟ وہی آنکھیں اب وہ مجھے دکھاتی ہے اور تو اور تجھے بھی دکھاتی ہے۔”

پہلی بار میں نے گووند چاچا کا بریک ڈاؤن دیکھا۔ میں سمجھتی تھی وہ آدرش آدمی ہیں اور اجیتا چاچی سے پیار کرتے ہیں۔ آج یہ راز کھلا کہ ان کے ہاں بچہ کیوں نہیں ہوتا۔ فیملی پلاننگ تو ایک نا م ہے۔

ماں نے کہا "کامنی تمہاری بیٹی ہے اسی لئے تو نہیں چاہتی کہ اسے بھی کسی گڑھے میں پھینک دو۔” میرا خیال تھا کہ اس پر اور تو تو میں میں ہو گی اور گووند چاچا بائیں بازو کی پارٹی کی طرح واک آؤٹ کر جائیں گے، لیکن وہ الٹا قسمیں کھانے لگے "تمہاری سوگند بھابی۔ اس سے اچھا لڑکا تمہیں نہ ملے گا۔ وہ بڑودہ کی سنٹرل ریلوے کی ورک شاپ میں فورمین ہے۔ بڑی اچھی تنخواہ پاتا ہے۔”

میں سب کچھ سن رہی تھی اور اندر جھلا رہی تھیہو نہ لڑکا اچھا ہے، تنخواہ اچھی ہے لیکن شکل کیسی ہے، عقل کیسی ہے، عمر کیا ہے؟ اس کے بارے میں کوئی کچھ کہتا ہی نہیں۔ فورمین بنتے بنتے برسوں لگ جاتے ہیں۔ یہ ہمارا دیس ہے۔ پچاس سال کا مرد بھی بیاہنے آئے تو یہاں کی بولی میں اسے لڑکا ہی کہتے ہیں۔ اس کی صحت کیسی ہے؟ کہیں انٹیلیکچول تو نہیں معلوم ہوتا؟ اسی دم مجھے پرنٹو کا خیال آیا جو اس وقت بیک بے پہ میرا انتظار کر رہا ہو گااسٹینڈ بائی! جو زندگی بھر اسٹینڈ بائی ہی رہے گا۔ کبھی نہ کھیلے گا۔ اسے کھیلنا آتا ہی نہیں۔ اس میں صبر ہی نہیں۔ پھر مجھے اس غریب پر ترس آنے لگا۔ جی چاہا بھاگ کر اس کے پاس چلی جاؤں۔ اسے تو میں نے دیکھا اور پسند بھی کیا تھا، لیکن اس فورمین کو جو بیک گراؤنڈ میں کہیں مسکرا رہا تھاپھر جیسے من کے اندھیرے میں مچھر بھنبھناتے ہیںمس گپتا سے مسز سولنکی کہلائی تو کیسی لگوں گیبکواس!

گووند چاچا کہہ رہے تھے "لڑکا تن کا اجلا ہے، من کا اجلا ہے اس کی آتما کتنی اچھی ہے، اس کا اس بات سے پتہ چلتا ہے کہ وہ بچوں سے پیار کرتا ہے۔ بچے اس پر جان دیتے ہیں، اس کے اردگرد منڈلاتے ہیں، ہی ہی، ہو ہو، ہاہا کرتے رہتے ہیں اور وہ بھی ان کے ساتھ غی غی، غو غو، غاں غاں” بسمیں اندر کے کسی سفر سے اتنا تھک چکی تھی کہ رات کو مجھے بھیڑیں گننے کی بھی ضرورت نہ پڑی۔ ایک سپاٹ، بے رنگ، بے خواب سی نیند آئیایسی نیند جو لمبے رت جگوں کے بعد آتی ہے۔

دو ہی دن بعد وہ لڑکا ہمارے گھر پر موجود تھا۔ ارے! یہ سب اندازے کتنے غلط نکلے! وہ ہاکی ٹیم کے سب لڑکوںکیا کھیلنے والے اور کیا اسٹینڈ بائیسب سے زیادہ گبرو، زیادہ جوان تھا۔ اس نے صرف کسرت ہی نہیں کی تھی، آرام بھی کیا تھا۔ اس کا چہرہ اندر کی گرمی سے تمتمایا ہوا تھا۔ رنگ کندنی تھامیری طرح۔ مضبوط دہانہ، مضبوط دانتوں کی باڑھجیسے بے شمار گنے چوسے ہوں، گاجر، مولیاں کھائی ہوں، شاید کچے شلغم بھی۔ وہ ایک طرف گھبرایا ہوا تھا اور دوسری طرف اپنی گھبراہٹ کو بہادری کی اوٹ میں چھپا رہا تھا۔ آتے ہی اس نے مجھے نمستے کی، میں نے بھی جواب میں نمستے کر ڈالی۔ پھر اس نے ماں کو پرنام کیا۔ جب وہ میری طرف نہ دیکھتا تھا تو میں اسے دیکھ لیتی تھی۔ یہ اچھا ہوا کہ کسی کو پتہ نہ چلا کہ میری ٹانگیں کپکپانے لگی ہیں اور دل دھڑام سے شریر کے اندر ہی کہیں نیچے گر گیا ہے۔ آج کل کی لڑکی ہونے کے ناطے مجھے ہسٹیریا کا ثبوت نہیں دینا تھا، اس لئے ڈٹی رہی۔ بیچ میں مجھے خیال آیا کہ بے کار کی بغاوت کی وجہ سے میں نے تو اپنے بال بھی نہیں بنائے تھے۔

اس کے ساتھ اس کی ماں بھی آئی تھی۔ وہ بچھی جا رہی تھی، جیسے بیٹوں کی شادی سے پہلے مائیں بچھتی ہیں۔ مجھے تو یوں لگا جیسے وہ لڑکا نہیں، اس کی ماں مر مٹی ہے اور جانے مجھ میں اپنے مستقبل کا کیا دیکھ رہی ہے؟ اس کی اپنی صحت بہت خراب تھی اور وہ اپنی کبھی کی خوبصورتی اور تندرستی کی باتیں کر کے اپنے بیٹے کے لئے مجھے مانگ رہی تھی۔ یوں معلوم ہوتا تھا کہ جیسے اسے اپنی "ماں” پر بھروسہ نہیںوہ بھکارن کہہ رہی تھی۔ لڑکوں کی خوبصورتی کس نے دیکھی ہے؟ لڑکے سب خوبصورت ہوتے ہیںبس اچھے گھر کے ہوں، کماؤ ہوںاور وہ اپنی ماں کی طرف یوں دیکھ رہا تھا جیسے وہ اس کے ساتھ کوئی بہت بڑا ظلم کر رہی ہے۔ میری ماں کے کہنے پر وہ کچھ شرماتا ہوا میرے پاس آ کر بیٹھ گیا اور "باتیں کرو” کے حکم پر مجھ سے باتیں کرنے لگا۔

پہلے تو میں چپ رہی۔ پھر جب بولی تو صرف یہ ثابت ہوا کہ میں گونگی نہیں ہوں۔ سفید قمیص، سفید پتلون اور سفید ہی بوٹ پہنے وہ کرکٹ کا کھلاڑی معلوم ہو رہا تھا۔ وہ کیپٹن نہیں تو بیٹس مین ہو گا۔ نہیں بولر بولر، جو تھوڑا پیچھے ہٹ کر آگے آتا ہے اور بڑے زور کے سپن سے گیند کو پھینکتا ہے اور وکٹ صاف اڑ جاتی ہے۔ ہاں بیٹس مین اچھا ہو تو چوکسی کے ساتھ گیند کو باؤنڈری سے بھی پرے پھینک دیتا ہے، نہیں تو خود ہی آؤٹ!

ماں کے اشارے پر میں نے اس سے پوچھا”آپ چائے پئیں گے؟”

"جی؟” اس نے چونک کر کہا اور پھر جیسے میری بات کہیں دھرتی کے پورے کرے کا چکر کاٹ کر اس کے دما غ میں لوٹ آئی اور وہ بولا "آپ پئیں گی؟”

میں ہنس دی "میں نہ پیوں تو کیا آپ نہیں پئیں گے؟”

"آپ پئیں گی تو میں بھی پی لوں گا۔”

میں حیران ہوئی، کہ وہ بھی ایسا ہی تھا جیسے ماں کے سامنے میرے پاپالیکن ایسا تو بہت بعد میں ہوتا ہے۔ وہ شروع میں ہی ایسا تھا۔

چائے بنانے کے لئے اٹھی تو سامنے آئینے پرمیر ی نظر گئی۔ وہ مجھے جاتے دیکھ رہا تھا۔ میں نے ساڑھی سے اپنے بدن کو چھپایا اور پھر اس بڈھے کے الفاظ یاد آ گئے”آج کل یہاں چور آئے ہوئے ہیںدیکھنا کہیں پولیس ہی نہ پکڑ لے تمہیں”

بس کچھ ہی دن میں میں پکڑی گئی۔ میری شادی ہو گئی۔ میرے گھر کے لوگ یوں تو بڑے آزاد خیال ہیں، لیکن دیدی پر بٹھاتے ہوئے انہوں نے جیسے مجھے بوری میں ڈال رکھا تھا تاکہ میرے ہاتھ پاؤں پر کسی کی نظر بھی نہ پڑے۔ میں پردہ پسند کرتی ہوں، لیکن صرف اتنا جس میں دکھائی بھی دے اور شرم بھی رہے۔ زندگی میں ایک بار ہی تو ہوتا ہے کہ وہ دبے پاؤں آتا ہے اور کانپتے ہوئے ہاتھوں سے اس گھونگھٹ کو اٹھاتا ہے جسے بیچ میں سے ہٹائے بنا پرماتما بھی نہیں ملتا۔

شادی کے ہنگامے میں میں نے تو کچھ نہیں دیکھا کون آیا، کون گیا۔ بس چھوٹے سولنکی میرے من میں سمائے ہوئے تھے۔ میں نے جو بھی کپڑا، جو بھی زیور پہنا تھا، جو بھی افشاں چنی تھی، ان ہی کی نظروں سے دیکھ کر، جیسے میری اپنی نظریں ہی نہ رہی تھیں۔ میں سب سے بچنا، سب سے چھپنا چاہتی تھی تاکہ صرف ایک کے سامنے کھل سکوں، ایک پر اپنا آپ وار سکوں۔ جب برات آئی تو میری سہیلیوں نے بہت کہا، "بالکونی پر آ جاؤ، برات دیکھ لو۔” لیکن میں نے ایک ہی نہ پکڑ لی۔ میں نے ایک روپ دیکھا تھا جس کے بعد کوئی دوسرا روپ دیکھنے کی ضرورت ہی نہ تھی۔

آخر میں نے سسرال کی چوکھٹ پر قدم رکھا۔ سب میرے سواگت کے لئے کھڑے تھے۔ گھر کی سب عورتیں، سب مردبچوں کی ہنسی سنا ئی دے رہی تھیں اور وہ مجھے گھونگھٹ میں سے دھندلے دھندلے دکھائی دے رہے تھے۔ سب رسمیں ادا ہوئیں جیسی ہر شادی میں ہوتی ہیں لیکن جانے کیوں مجھے ایسا لگتا تھا جیسے میری شادی اور ہے، میرا گھونگٹ اور، میرا بر اور۔ گھر کے اشٹ دیو کو ماتھا ٹکانے کے بعد میری ساس مجھے اپنے کمرے میں لے گئی تاکہ میں اپنے سسر کے پاؤں چھوؤں، ان کے چرنوں کو ہاتھ لگایا۔ انہوں نے میرے سر پر ہاتھ رکھا اور بولے "سو تمآ گئیں بیٹی؟”

میں نے تھوڑا چونک کر اس آواز کے مالک کی طرف دیکھا اور ایک بار پھر ان کے قدموں پر سر رکھ دیا۔ کچھ اور بھی آنسو ہوتے تو میں ان قدموں کو دھو دھو کر پیتی۔

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بارے KAHAANY.COM

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تلاش میں مارا مارا پھر رہا تھا۔ تھک کر چور ہو گیا تو میں رک …

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